Every relationship story
has two sides.

Here are ours.

Jo first encountered Ian when he was directing a children’s choir at National UMC in Washington, DC. The next time they saw him, he was sitting in the refectory at Wesley Theological Seminary, collecting signatures for a Reconciling Ministries petition. This, of course, ignited a theological and moral crisis for Jo, but that’s a different story for a different website. The third time Jo saw Ian, the two of them were in the Wesley library, where Ian was working on his genogram, a kind of family tree, but with feelings. They asked him about it and he explained the concept (along with some pretty personal facts about his life and family). Ian’s pink phone case was prominently on display. All of these things happened before or about the same time that Jo first heard Ian sing a solo, during a musical theater sermon series at church.

Taking all of this data into consideration, along with the fact that Ian is a snappy dresser with a penchant for bow ties, it’s no wonder Jo assumed there would be no potential for a romantic relationship with this man. He clearly wasn’t batting for the right team.

And so, they became friends, connecting first through a class on the theology of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a twentieth-century German theology who, during the Nazi regime, created an underground seminary and participated in a plot to assassinate Hitler, and then later through conversations across the Wesley library front desk while Jo worked, and still later over text. When Ian came back to DC from his yearlong internship in Rochester, Jo was delighted to see him and ran out from behind the library desk to give him a hug.

Jo was not sure why they did this. Astute readers have likely already guessed.

All in all, Jo recommends assuming that your future husband is gay for at least a short period of time. This allows you to build companionship and solidarity without any fear of a phrase or action being misinterpreted. You avoid the When Harry Met Sally Conundrum entirely. You’ll be able to counterprotest neo-Nazis and then go get tacos together without worrying about out whether it’s a date. When you’re supposed to go out for drinks on the same day that your now-ex dumps you, you’ll still feel comfortable spending time together. You’ll agree to go see a documentary about Mister Rogers together and you won’t panic when he holds your hand as you cry. And when you two commiserate about how dating is hard, you’ll walk right into the trap of telling him that you would have dated him if he had ever shown interest.

Don’t worry. He will then leave you on read for three hours while he talks to his friends about what he should do next, and that will be the act that confirms that he is, in fact, straight. The best straight man there ever was, but still, straight.

And in a way, that’s lucky, because then you get to use the best quote from When Harry Met Sally: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Jo is forever grateful that the rest of their lives started pretty much immediately after that fateful day in September of 2018. Through General Conferences and denominational shifts, through moves undertaken separately and together, through career upsets and personal upsets and even a touch of cancer, Ian has been an incredible partner who continues to sing like an angel, dress like the dapper human he is, and give incredible hugs. Jo truly never thought they would encounter someone who they could share their every thought and hour with, but it turns out that they just weren’t looking in the right place: the tenor section.

Anyway, this is all very disgusting and Jo is sorry to subject you to it, knowing that you have to read Ian’s version as well. But hey, you clicked on it and you’re probably coming to or watching the wedding, and you probably like us too (gross), so you asked for it. Buckle up and get ready to watch two people who absolutely adore one another celebrate their love. We’ve earned it.